Why Trying To Please Everyone Just Won't Work

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  Last week, I was thinking about my clients and in general, women who give so much of themselves, but to the detriment of their spirit.  And it's definitely nothing wrong with giving and looking out for others (I'm all for helping, supporting and cheering on people). However, when the giving is at the point of others taking you for granted, abusing you, or you are losing a sense of who you are because you have a strong need to please others and can't fathom the word "No". Then it's time to take a step back to see why you're doing this and what your fears are about not doing it.

Below is a heart to heart reminder I wrote just for you.

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 I know you have given so much of yourself to others.  Trying to prove you are more than what they think of you, trying to keep up a façade to hide what’s truly behind the mask, wanting others to feel good, but to the detriment of who you are.  It ends up slowly chipping away at you and you somehow begin to lose pieces of yourself. 

I need you to know that you do not need to prove to others what you already have inside. You are enough.  It’s time for you to start believing that.  You don't have to do things for people to love and accept you, because the right people will be drawn to you whether you are at your best or at your worst.

Those people who truly see you, will want the best for you and will not try to strip or water you down, so you can fit into their world. 

Again, you are enough.  You are more than what you can do for people.   You are you. Wonderfully made in God’s image.  He dwells right within and that my dear is a good enough reminder that greatness has always been with you.   

When you spend more time nurturing yourself, you will have more to offer your family, friends, work, this world.   You see, taking care of yourself is one of the best things you can do. Learning what’s truly important in your life will open your eyes to those things you’re doing out of perceived obligation and those things you've unintentionally forgotten about, because it was replaced with superficial desires and things not really connected to you.     


It’s time to let some things go to make room for what you deserve and quite frankly need in your life to truly live. Do not spend this one life of yours trying to live up to the expectations of others, trying to fill a void by being or doing things for others that's not at all aligned with who you are. In general, it's time to stop living a fake life.

 It’s time to do the work that ignites your spirit and soul, it’s time to do the work that will lead you that much closer to who you were created to be. It’s simply time.

Write that book,

Book that vacation,

Let go of that demeaning relationship,

Develop new positive relationships,

Start healing,

Start believing in better for your life,

Start taking action and stop procrastinating,

Start showing the REAL you,

Start loving…. YOURSELF MORE !

You know why?  Because the more you take care of your inner self the more happiness you will begin to see around you. The life you want begins on the inside.

Inward growth produces outward success; there’s no way around it.    Be honest enough with yourself to do the work that will change your life.


I look forward to hearing about all your progress, all your breakthroughs, steps you’re taking to get out of your comfort zone, the small changes you’re taking to make your life better. I look forward to hearing about all the things to come because you chose YOU.

Drop me a note to let me know what changes you’re making  leave a comment below.

Also feel free to share this with someone who needs to see this right now:)

Posted on March 27, 2018 .

Are You Remembering to Count Your Blessings?

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  So, when I started off this year, I shared my one word for 2018 was Abundance (click to read previous post about choosing one word for the year) and literally after I said it aloud and shared it with all of you through my newsletter, so many things have happened one after another and not, necessarily, in the way you may think.  You see as soon as I claimed abundance for my life, problems showed up left and right, one right after another. 

I declared:

  • "God, I'm ready for abundance" - My car broke down in the middle of a busy street
  • "Abundance now" - my hot water heater died, water leaked throughout my basement and I had to get a new hot water heater
  • "I'm so ready for overflow in my life" - Part of the ceiling in my living fell right down out of no where...I'm working on getting that fixed too.

And the list continues on and on.  The reason why I'm sharing this with you is when there's something you desire for your life, obstacles and challenges(some tough ones) will show up even before you can see the blessing.  So in the midst of your pain, discouragement, doubt I encourage you to look for the goodness all around you.  Despite, if what you're seeing right now isn't aligning with what you're hoping for, I challenge you to keep your eyes open for the blessings.

Last month I wrote a quick story for Kind Over Matter   about seeing the blessings during my challenges. I hope you see something in this story that will help you and feel free to forward this to others.

Posted on March 27, 2018 .

One Word That Leads To Change


I'm so glad to get back to connecting with all of you and hoping your 2018 is off to a great start.  As with any new year, new week, or even new day, there is always another chance to get it right and have a fresh start.  

I came across the One Word Reading Plan which inspired me to think of one word that would become my consistent theme for this year.  In past years, a friend and I normally discussed our goals and focus for following year.  She would always come up with a catchy theme that would have us excited. This time around, coming up with a catchy theme was challenging, so I shared the One Word Reading Plan and within no time she chose a word that represented how she wanted her life to reflect for the year. ( Feel free to check out the One Word Reading plan, just click on the link)

 When you focus on one key word, instead of a phrase, it is much easier to think of something that captures all that you aspire to do this year.   This word will stretch you, help cut through the distractions and keep you focused in all aspects of your life- spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally or even financially.

So to get started, think about a character trait, or a word to describe a specific value or a word to describe more of what you want in your life. It may come to you naturally; you may need a few days to “chew on it” or you may desire to take the word in prayer to see if it’s a true fit.  Once you've decided on that word,  you'll know because it will encompass all that you desire for your life.


My one word for this year is “Abundance." This represents being in a position in my life where I'm not only ready to receive but ready to give or share in abundance.  This is also recognizing that abundance isn't just hoping for tons of money ( which by the way I would not mind if it came my way :)  but it's being READY to receive all that's available to me  - whether it's love, opportunities, growth in business/career, friendships, peace, or joy.  Most times those things are right in front of us, but we aren't able to recognize it or appreciate it because of our view on what it should be or look like.  

The one thing I know for sure, is you have the ability to set your intentions and put out into the universe what you hope to accomplish this year.

You have the power within to choose how you show up in all aspects of your life.  If you want to grow more in your faith; it’s your choice. If you want to improve your relationships or expand your connections, it’s your choice. If you want to live with more peace within, it’s your choice. No one else can make that decision for you.
What about you?  What is your one-word theme for 2018?

Leave a comment or email me to share!

P.S. I  originally wrote this post the beginning of 2016 and while I didn't share it last year, I continue to use one word for my year.  In 2016 it was "Build", and 2017 it was "Relationships"  and by the end of each year, when I reflected, I showed up powerfully in those ways and  doors opened that I didn't know would. My hope is what I've shared will support you as much as it has supported me  over these past years.

Posted on March 27, 2018 .

When Life Gets Tough, Do This One Thing

It's a new day, new beginning, new chance to try again!
What ever happened yesterday, leave it there. With everyday we have new grace and new mercies, so let’s boldly embrace it!
One of the things I’m excited about seeing people do right within our Bold Living community, is taking time to support others in their endeavors, starting new careers, going back to school, starting their nonprofits, finding love and overall refocusing their attention on things that truly matter to them.  In this one life of ours, it’s truly important to revel in the present.
This week I want you to focus on this one thing (below) and to be intentional about it:

Speak Over Yourself!
This journey is full of some great highs and some tough lows, but through it all, we’re evolving into who we need to be. Every challenge presents an opportunity to grow into the person you need to become for the next relationship, career move, business opportunity and to show up more powerfully in life. Period.  

During disappointing times, it’s tempting to lose the drive and focus you had in the beginning of your journey, but it’s key to remember why you started - why you chose to start a new career path, why you chose to start taking better care of yourself, why you chose to go back to school, why you let go of the negative person (or people) in your life.   Once you get into that space of remembering the reasons for the actions you’re taking now, it will re-energize you to keep going.   
Here’s a quick assignment to do this week:   When you speak life over yourself, using the words “I am” is powerful. This shows you are the co-creator of your life.  If you believe God dwells in you, then you have the power to speak this with certainty. Start by writing down statements/affirmations beginning with “I am”. Here are a few examples
1.  I AM worthy of living my best life
2. I AM.taking consistent actions towards my big goals
3. I AM a money magnet:)
4. I AM an amazing expression of God
Make a list of five statements/affirmations and remind yourself about them throughout the week. 

Feel free to reach out to me and let me know how these “I am” statements are supporting you and also share this newsletter with one person who could benefit from encouragement this weekOnward ladies!

 If you're in need help with defining success on your terms, feel free to schedule a session here: https://schedulewithraphaela.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?appointmentType=3568050

Posted on August 2, 2017 .


“I’ve been waiting so long for things to change, that I find myself going in circles with nothing ever changing.  I’m still where I don’t want to be -I’m at a job I don’t like, I’m not married yet and I just don't have a real life.  I know once I have those things I will feel so much happier in life”
How many of us have found ourselves in situations thinking that someone or some circumstance would help make everything in our lives so much better? * slowly raises hand*   So we waited…….and things remained the same.  And we waited some more and nothing ever changed. 

 The above statement was shared with me, from a client who thought if only she hoped for her circumstance to be better, then it would change.  And while hope is a great feeling to have in helping you believe for better, (and not wallow in what isn’t) hope is also tied to reenergizing yourself enough to take action.   

The good news is my client and I worked on various strategies to help her get to the core of her beliefs in thinking everything would be fine once she reached her end goals.   We were also able to look at her “blind spots”  so she could see how she was missing out on areas of her life that brought joy.  The goal was to not let life passively happen to her, but for her to get involved in life and enjoy the journey while she was working towards a more improved future. 

We took time to look at the thought patterns keeping her stuck,  and also at all the strengths, people, and great opportunities she had around her.  She learned that while wanting better she needed to begin living now and not wait to obtain these things before being happy.  She also learned that to build a firm foundation in moving forward, there were beliefs and behaviors that she needed to let go of and change. I know you hear me talk often about changing your thoughts and mindset, and it's because our thoughts are what feeds our actions; so it's vital to begin there.

Often times, we put all of our energy and grand expectations on a person or circumstance to change our lives,  that we begin missing out on the blessings all around us.

We all want things to change for the better when perhaps focusing on becoming better in the processis the real goal. When you finally accept that you are your ownrescue, you will generate more joy and peace inside of you.

So,let's chat! I invite you to have a conversation with me.  I’m opening up time in my schedule over the next two weeks for us to connect.   Click here to schedule your time. It’s time to stop hoping for things to change without you taking a good look at how to change it.


Posted on August 2, 2017 .

Don't Let Overthinking Stop You From Moving Forward


So, ladies I must confess …....
I'm guilty of overthinking things in my life and business.  Yes, even though I am a coach,  and help women with their mindset and moving past fears, I still sometimes struggle in this area, myself.

Sometimes, I replay things over and over again in my head, before taking action. And I even try to play out different scenarios all the way down to what I think will happen in the end and by this time my thoughts have lead me down a rabbit hole.  I’m chasing these thoughts and thinking if I keep analyzing and grinding them down until I don’t have any more “what if” questions( if that's even possible) then I’ll be completely comfortable and safe to take a step forward. But by then, I've wasted so much time and have not taken any action.  Does this happen to you?  Do you think about every possible “what if” scenario that could happen?  

Are you waiting for things to be perfect before you move forward with a decision?  Are you indecisive and find yourself not making a decision at all (which is, by the way, making a decision even if you choose to do nothing).  The funny thing is, on the journey out of your comfort zone, you’re not always going to have the perfect answer at your finger tip, but you're able to use your best judgment, make a decision and move forward. Even if the decision you made ends up not working, there’s always room to adjust. It doesn't have to be permanent.

Just in case you're wondering if you live in the land of overthinking, here are a few signs:

  • Second guess everything
  • Analyze things to death
  • Expect the worst to happen
  • Would rather someone decide for you
  • A perfectionist
  • Criticize yourself a lot
  • Never sure of yourself

 Most times after one session with a client, I recognize no matter what their vision, goal or dream is, their mindset is the first thing to work on.   Managing those negative thoughts; the replaying of past andvarious wrongs you believed happened to you; worrying about what people may think of you or your situation and dealing with the “inner critic” is what keeps you “stuck” from moving towards the great relationship you want to have, career growth, sales conversations in your business, or even having the peace of mind you desire in life.  

As a coach, some of the ways I help my clients stop their minds from going on a mental roller coaster is by helping them look at a situation for what it is and then understand how unresolved feelings from the past can cause negative reactions to present circumstances. We look at the triggers causing you to overthink and other blocks to moving forward. And then create strategies to help quiet your busy mind and help you pay attention to or resolve what is.

 By the end of our time together, clients are able to recognize their specific triggers, notice when they’re about to jump off the deep end and use techniques to manage their thoughts. These technique helps in countless ways such as becoming more poised on the job, responding to tough, stressful situations in a more productive manner and knowing how to self-coach through these types of situations going forward.

So while overthinking attacks even the best of us (we're human right?),  being able to recognize when it shows up and knowing how to handle it before it leads to overwhelm is key.
 Any of this sounds like you?  If so, click HERE to schedule a conversation with me.


Posted on May 22, 2017 .