When Life Gets Tough, Do This One Thing

Hi!
It's a new day, new beginning, new chance to try again!
What ever happened yesterday, leave it there. With everyday we have new grace and new mercies, so let’s boldly embrace it!
 
One of the things I’m excited about seeing people do right within our Bold Living community, is taking time to support others in their endeavors, starting new careers, going back to school, starting their nonprofits, finding love and overall refocusing their attention on things that truly matter to them.  In this one life of ours, it’s truly important to revel in the present.
 
This week I want you to focus on this one thing (below) and to be intentional about it:

Speak Over Yourself!
This journey is full of some great highs and some tough lows, but through it all, we’re evolving into who we need to be. Every challenge presents an opportunity to grow into the person you need to become for the next relationship, career move, business opportunity and to show up more powerfully in life. Period.  

During disappointing times, it’s tempting to lose the drive and focus you had in the beginning of your journey, but it’s key to remember why you started - why you chose to start a new career path, why you chose to start taking better care of yourself, why you chose to go back to school, why you let go of the negative person (or people) in your life.   Once you get into that space of remembering the reasons for the actions you’re taking now, it will re-energize you to keep going.   
 
Here’s a quick assignment to do this week:   When you speak life over yourself, using the words “I am” is powerful. This shows you are the co-creator of your life.  If you believe God dwells in you, then you have the power to speak this with certainty. Start by writing down statements/affirmations beginning with “I am”. Here are a few examples
 
1.  I AM worthy of living my best life
2. I AM.taking consistent actions towards my big goals
3. I AM a money magnet:)
4. I AM an amazing expression of God
 
Make a list of five statements/affirmations and remind yourself about them throughout the week. 

Feel free to reach out to me and let me know how these “I am” statements are supporting you and also share this newsletter with one person who could benefit from encouragement this weekOnward ladies!

 If you're in need help with defining success on your terms, feel free to schedule a session here: https://schedulewithraphaela.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?appointmentType=3568050

Posted on August 2, 2017 .

ARE YOU WAITING TO BE RESCUED?

“I’ve been waiting so long for things to change, that I find myself going in circles with nothing ever changing.  I’m still where I don’t want to be -I’m at a job I don’t like, I’m not married yet and I just don't have a real life.  I know once I have those things I will feel so much happier in life”
 
How many of us have found ourselves in situations thinking that someone or some circumstance would help make everything in our lives so much better? * slowly raises hand*   So we waited…….and things remained the same.  And we waited some more and nothing ever changed. 

 The above statement was shared with me, from a client who thought if only she hoped for her circumstance to be better, then it would change.  And while hope is a great feeling to have in helping you believe for better, (and not wallow in what isn’t) hope is also tied to reenergizing yourself enough to take action.   

The good news is my client and I worked on various strategies to help her get to the core of her beliefs in thinking everything would be fine once she reached her end goals.   We were also able to look at her “blind spots”  so she could see how she was missing out on areas of her life that brought joy.  The goal was to not let life passively happen to her, but for her to get involved in life and enjoy the journey while she was working towards a more improved future. 

We took time to look at the thought patterns keeping her stuck,  and also at all the strengths, people, and great opportunities she had around her.  She learned that while wanting better she needed to begin living now and not wait to obtain these things before being happy.  She also learned that to build a firm foundation in moving forward, there were beliefs and behaviors that she needed to let go of and change. I know you hear me talk often about changing your thoughts and mindset, and it's because our thoughts are what feeds our actions; so it's vital to begin there.

Often times, we put all of our energy and grand expectations on a person or circumstance to change our lives,  that we begin missing out on the blessings all around us.

We all want things to change for the better when perhaps focusing on becoming better in the processis the real goal. When you finally accept that you are your ownrescue, you will generate more joy and peace inside of you.

So,let's chat! I invite you to have a conversation with me.  I’m opening up time in my schedule over the next two weeks for us to connect.   Click here to schedule your time. It’s time to stop hoping for things to change without you taking a good look at how to change it.

 
 

Posted on August 2, 2017 .

Don't Let Overthinking Stop You From Moving Forward

 

So, ladies I must confess …....
I'm guilty of overthinking things in my life and business.  Yes, even though I am a coach,  and help women with their mindset and moving past fears, I still sometimes struggle in this area, myself.

Sometimes, I replay things over and over again in my head, before taking action. And I even try to play out different scenarios all the way down to what I think will happen in the end and by this time my thoughts have lead me down a rabbit hole.  I’m chasing these thoughts and thinking if I keep analyzing and grinding them down until I don’t have any more “what if” questions( if that's even possible) then I’ll be completely comfortable and safe to take a step forward. But by then, I've wasted so much time and have not taken any action.  Does this happen to you?  Do you think about every possible “what if” scenario that could happen?  

Are you waiting for things to be perfect before you move forward with a decision?  Are you indecisive and find yourself not making a decision at all (which is, by the way, making a decision even if you choose to do nothing).  The funny thing is, on the journey out of your comfort zone, you’re not always going to have the perfect answer at your finger tip, but you're able to use your best judgment, make a decision and move forward. Even if the decision you made ends up not working, there’s always room to adjust. It doesn't have to be permanent.

Just in case you're wondering if you live in the land of overthinking, here are a few signs:

  • Second guess everything
  • Analyze things to death
  • Expect the worst to happen
  • Would rather someone decide for you
  • A perfectionist
  • Criticize yourself a lot
  • Never sure of yourself

 Most times after one session with a client, I recognize no matter what their vision, goal or dream is, their mindset is the first thing to work on.   Managing those negative thoughts; the replaying of past andvarious wrongs you believed happened to you; worrying about what people may think of you or your situation and dealing with the “inner critic” is what keeps you “stuck” from moving towards the great relationship you want to have, career growth, sales conversations in your business, or even having the peace of mind you desire in life.  

As a coach, some of the ways I help my clients stop their minds from going on a mental roller coaster is by helping them look at a situation for what it is and then understand how unresolved feelings from the past can cause negative reactions to present circumstances. We look at the triggers causing you to overthink and other blocks to moving forward. And then create strategies to help quiet your busy mind and help you pay attention to or resolve what is.

 By the end of our time together, clients are able to recognize their specific triggers, notice when they’re about to jump off the deep end and use techniques to manage their thoughts. These technique helps in countless ways such as becoming more poised on the job, responding to tough, stressful situations in a more productive manner and knowing how to self-coach through these types of situations going forward.

So while overthinking attacks even the best of us (we're human right?),  being able to recognize when it shows up and knowing how to handle it before it leads to overwhelm is key.
 
 Any of this sounds like you?  If so, click HERE to schedule a conversation with me.

 

Posted on May 22, 2017 .

Are You Ready to Do The Work?

          

Hello, Hello!
I know you truly want to have a career and a life that you sincerely find joy in from the inside out.
We all desire to have happiness, have fun and do the things we tend to talk about more than we put into action.....and all of it's possible.  But, are you willing to take the time to put all of what you talk about doing into action?

In a society that promotes quick fixes, fast food, fast relief, and everything disposed right at your finger tips, it sometimes makes you wonder if you'll ever get to where you desire to be.  Or wonder if your hopes for the future is a fantasy because it's "taking too long" or it's not unfolding the way you thought it should. 

And while those "fast" things and experiences can be convenient, even feel good in the moment, they are temporary fixes and are not meant to give you long lasting satisfaction.  Those short term fixes only satisfy that immediate moment- that's it!  Then afterwards, you're on the search for something to fill the void or to"make you happy" again.

I know deep down inside you want more for your life, you want something sustainable.  You don't want tobury yourself in other things, people and habits to be "fake happy" but you want to live a real life, one that may be include some challenges, but in the midst of it, you can honestly say you have joy. You want togrow and exceed your own expectations. You no longer want to mask your pain, but face it head on and step by stepbecome the person you want to see. 

To have long lasting effects, it requires you to do the work!  I know in the beginning you're hype, and excited to get the ball rolling, however when challenges show up, or something doesn't work out the wayyou thought it should, or it seems like progress isn't happening fast enough, then the desire to move forward slows down, stops and most times ends right there. 

This is where we fall back into old habits to satisfy us in the moment.

To get long lasting effects it's time to approach things differently. It's time to get outside of your comfort zone to gain what you've always wanted! 

What areas of your life, business or career have you been covering up with quick fixes and short term resolutions?  Asking for help is not something us strong women are used to doing, but taking a step to have a conversation can provide clarity, insight and a renewed sense of where you need to be. 


I am available over the next two weeks to have a conversation to help you gain clarity, focus and to help you create long lasting, meaningful and sustainable strategies for your life.  Click HERE to schedule a conversation with me.

 

Posted on May 22, 2017 .

Sometimes Old Habits Die Hard.....

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“I’m a little anxious about how they’ll react, you know I’ve always given into their requests” she explained to me about a difficult conversation she needed to have with someone in her family.  You see several months ago, she struggled with saying "No"  and often found herself trying to please everyone- some family members, people at work and even tolerating so much in her relationships, that much of who she was, was buried deeply within.  She shared she knew things had to get better, but was unsure of how to break the cycle of always sacrificing herself to make others comfortable, at ease and happy.  

These days she’s extremely clear on her boundaries, with family, friends, work and relationships.  She understands her values and priorities in life and even though she’s improved with asserting herself and communicating her needs, she sometimes gets a little concerned about how this new version of herself will affect others.   

Although, she’s striving for better, there are those moments at each level of progression that tests her and self-doubt creeps in. 

We explored her concerns around communicating her needs which ended up revealing her fears of speaking with this person.  We gained some clarity around those fears and it turned out her inner critic was hard at work, saying things like “Well, who do you think you are?” and “Why do you want to change things now?”  These are just a few of the questions that shows up as you actively make changes within yourself and in areas of your life.  Your old self is used to doing things one way, so in making life changes, all kinds of questions and statements begin to swirl in your mind, bringing more self-doubt.  And believe me, it’s absolutely normal.  

 How do you successfully replace old habits when you’ve operated this way for so long? How do you begin operating in a new way, when there’s friends, family or a mate that doesn’t support you? How can you reinforce the new skills you’ve acquired to live and be better? 
 
Know Your WHY!!:  Ask yourself “Why is moving past this habit or problem so important?  What do I stand to gain from changing? And what do I stand to lose? Once you’re clear on your motivation for change and it’s deeper meaning for you, you can begin taking steps forward.  Your “why” can open the door to new and great possibilities for life. 
 
Know Your Triggers: Usually when we experience some type of emotion, (i.e. loneliness, sadness, overwhelm), it can send us reeling back to old ways of coping and to what’s comfortable. 
So, what situations or thoughts are causing you to think about going back to what’s comfortable, but not helping you move forward. Is it the thought of confronting a loved one and wondering about the outcome?  Is it after executing on a decision you know is right for you, but have trouble moving forward?  Is it putting pressure on yourself to be someone you’re not to appease others?  

Whatever it is, write down the situations, thoughts or people causing you stress.  Then write how you feel, behave or treat yourself after this.   Now take 1 minute and write down different ways to respond once you’re triggered.  It could be you will be kinder to yourself, you will call a friend, read, journal, get some rest…whatever you choose, it must be something positive that encourages your growth and to just BE present in the moment.
 
Connect with People For Support - This is something you’ll hear me say often, but connecting to people who are on the same path or further ahead on their journey is truthfully one of the most beneficial things you can do for yourself. Find the people who will help reinforce the positive habits you're creating.  Being around those who inspire, motivate, encourage, and allow you to be you while you grow,  is key.

Interested in learning how I can help you with creating new habits so your real life can reflect your dreams, then let's have a conversation.  Click the link http://www.raphaelabrowne.com/book-session 

Posted on March 16, 2017 .

It's Time to Surrender

How has the first few weeks into January been for you?  I’ve been taking time to gear up for this year and looking forward to everything to come.  I hope these first few weeks of  2017 have been full of new ways of thinking, new opportunities and new energy.  But, if this hasn't been the case for you, I pray for a renewed mindset, peace and grace to carry you through.

So, I want to take a moment to connect with you about the word “surrender”.  Now, when you think of this word, what normally comes to mind?  I know for me surrender used to mean giving up, throwing in the towel, giving into the demands of others, relinquishing my power, being defeated, or backing down- and those were things I definitely didn’t want to do.

But what if I told you to surrender doesn’t have to mean those things, but to give into a greater power- surrender to peace, surrender to God, surrender the need of having a specific outcome—an outcome that things just has to go our way all the time.

But think about surrendering as having complete acceptance of what is and having faith to know that all is well or will be well, even without your control or input.

I want to leave you with this perspective on surrendering from
Elizabeth Gilbert, author of "Big Magic"  She provides a  real, relatable view of how surrendering may look in our lives. This is a bit lengthy, but take 5 minutes  and read the message below:

“Surrender is what happens when you come to the end of your power. Surrender is what happens when you have searched to the bottom of your soul and found out this truth — which is that you really can't do this thing anymore. Surrender is what happens when you don't have any more ideas for how to fix everything. Surrender is what happens when none of your survival strategies work anymore — and your playbook is out of pages. Surrender is what happens when you turn it all over to God. You release your grip on the thing. You stop white-knuckling it. You stop pretending things are great when things are actually horrible. You stop putting on a fake face, or glossing over the problem, or lying. You face the truth that you are not the most powerful force in the universe. You turn it over to fate. You exhale, and let go.

There is always grace in surrender. There is always truth in surrender. There is always a great deal of human dignity in surrender. And what happens next is often very beautiful. You crack open because you have stopped fighting and pretending, and once you do that...anything whatsoever can now occur. Sometimes your true fate can only find you after you have surrendered. Cracking yourself open in surrender...well, that’s where God can rush in. The universe can sometimes only work through you once you have surrendered.

Anyone who has ever walked into a therapist's office for the first time, or a psychiatrist's office, is in a moment of beautiful surrender. ("I have nothing left to offer this problem. I'm at the end of myself. I don't know what happens now. Help me.") Anyone who has ever knocked on the door of a women's emergency shelter in the middle of the night has surrendered. Anybody who ever inched back into a church after years spent away from worship, has surrendered...................... Anybody who has ever decided to cut off contact with somebody whom they love with all their heart — but that person is an addict, or violent, or a thief, or a liar, or abusive, or has turned hateful — is in a state of surrender.

Divorce courts are filled with people who have surrendered — people who have reached the end of their power. As dreadful and scary as divorce court was for me, I witnessed and experienced real grace unfolding there. I myself had to surrender to divorce court (and to the universe) and to completely let go of my power when I left my marriage. And although it was painful, there was certainly nothing lazy about it. I had reached the end of myself. I had no fresh ideas for how to make this relationship work. I was empty, and cracked open. I might as well have been in a temple, for how deeply I was changed by the experience of divorce court. What happened next was nothing less than the unfolding of an entirely new life.

I have quit on things, and I have surrendered on things...and there is a world of difference between them.

If you are quitting, you won't be happy about it later — I can promise you that. (And I'll give you a hint: If you have a track record of never finishing anything, or never sticking with anything or anybody, it's very likely that you have a habit of quitting. Maybe it's time to change that. If that is the case, I would suggest maybe staying with the problem a little longer — if only as a change of pace, and as a science experiment upon your own life. Might do you good to see something through for once.)

If you are surrendering, on the other hand, everything will be OK. (And I'll give you a hint: If you have a track record of seeing things through at all costs, and fighting to death to try to make impossible situations work — even if it ruins your life and causes you to have endless nervous breakdowns — then it's very likely that you are in the habit of martyrdom. Maybe it's time to change that. Maybe you need to learn how to let go. If that is the case, well, maybe it's time you gave surrender a try — again, just as a science experiment on your own life.)

And one way or another — whatever you decide — you will need to be generous and patient with yourself, as you puzzle through these difficult (but oh so important) decisions.”


Thanks as always for reading and feel free to share this with one person who may be struggling with surrendering !

Until next time........

 

Posted on January 24, 2017 .