“I’m a little anxious about how they’ll react, you know I’ve always given into their requests” she explained to me about a difficult conversation she needed to have with someone in her family. You see several months ago, she struggled with saying "No" and often found herself trying to please everyone- some family members, people at work and even tolerating so much in her relationships, that much of who she was, was buried deeply within. She shared she knew things had to get better, but was unsure of how to break the cycle of always sacrificing herself to make others comfortable, at ease and happy.
These days she’s extremely clear on her boundaries, with family, friends, work and relationships. She understands her values and priorities in life and even though she’s improved with asserting herself and communicating her needs, she sometimes gets a little concerned about how this new version of herself will affect others.
Although, she’s striving for better, there are those moments at each level of progression that tests her and self-doubt creeps in.
We explored her concerns around communicating her needs which ended up revealing her fears of speaking with this person. We gained some clarity around those fears and it turned out her inner critic was hard at work, saying things like “Well, who do you think you are?” and “Why do you want to change things now?” These are just a few of the questions that shows up as you actively make changes within yourself and in areas of your life. Your old self is used to doing things one way, so in making life changes, all kinds of questions and statements begin to swirl in your mind, bringing more self-doubt. And believe me, it’s absolutely normal.
How do you successfully replace old habits when you’ve operated this way for so long? How do you begin operating in a new way, when there’s friends, family or a mate that doesn’t support you? How can you reinforce the new skills you’ve acquired to live and be better?
Know Your WHY!!: Ask yourself “Why is moving past this habit or problem so important? What do I stand to gain from changing? And what do I stand to lose? Once you’re clear on your motivation for change and it’s deeper meaning for you, you can begin taking steps forward. Your “why” can open the door to new and great possibilities for life.
Know Your Triggers: Usually when we experience some type of emotion, (i.e. loneliness, sadness, overwhelm), it can send us reeling back to old ways of coping and to what’s comfortable.
So, what situations or thoughts are causing you to think about going back to what’s comfortable, but not helping you move forward. Is it the thought of confronting a loved one and wondering about the outcome? Is it after executing on a decision you know is right for you, but have trouble moving forward? Is it putting pressure on yourself to be someone you’re not to appease others?
Whatever it is, write down the situations, thoughts or people causing you stress. Then write how you feel, behave or treat yourself after this. Now take 1 minute and write down different ways to respond once you’re triggered. It could be you will be kinder to yourself, you will call a friend, read, journal, get some rest…whatever you choose, it must be something positive that encourages your growth and to just BE present in the moment.
Connect with People For Support - This is something you’ll hear me say often, but connecting to people who are on the same path or further ahead on their journey is truthfully one of the most beneficial things you can do for yourself. Find the people who will help reinforce the positive habits you're creating. Being around those who inspire, motivate, encourage, and allow you to be you while you grow, is key.
Interested in learning how I can help you with creating new habits so your real life can reflect your dreams, then let's have a conversation. Click the link http://www.raphaelabrowne.com/book-session